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| "Self Portrait" (Photo by Lisa Nolan) |
"Moms, let's face it, the lights are dim. Heck, the lights aren't even on! Our light bulbs are burnt out! After four years of marriage and the birth of one baby boy, my light switch gets turned on once every few months. I used to feel guilty about it, and oh-so-sorry for my husband. I even considered having pity sex with him, but stopped short of that because pity sex turns into bad sex; and no sex is better than bad sex; and bad sex would just make my husband feel guilty; so why make my husband feel bad? Huh?
"Anyway, the point is, my husband and I don't have bad sex. In fact, we have great sex--just not that often.... But why I’m always asking myself. When did my libido decide to take a hike, to fly the coop, to disappear into thin air? When the new love of my life was born! Who needs love-making when you have a brand new baby!
"After the birth of my son, it was obvious my husband and I weren't going to do it for a while, then a while turned into six months! During those six months it was easy to blame my low libido on lack of sleep and breast feeding. Breast feeding causes low libido warned my OBGYN. But now that my baby is becoming a toddler I no longer breast feed him, and I get a fairly good night sleep--so why do I have such a lack of interest in sex?
"For starters, my body isn't the same as it was; I had an eight pound, twelve ounce baby yanked out of me; I grew a jelly roll around my mid-section (no matter how many sit-ups I don't do); and did I mention my sagging melons? I'm saggy and baggy and won't let my husband see me naked any more!
"Then there is the all consuming mommy to-do list. Before I became a mom, my to-do list was not only shorter it was way more exciting: getting my hair styled, finding some sexy underwear at Victoria's Secret, and buying all the makings of a terrific dinner for two.
"Today my mommy to-do list includes washing my hair (it's been two days!); buying another black T shirt in extra large, big enough to cover my baggy saggy body and dark enough to hide the spit up, dirty hand prints, and general yuck that comes from all of my baby's orifices; ordering take-out for dinner; not to mention de-crusting the stroller; buying flea collars for my neglected cats; and checking my bid on eBay for the cutest pair of little boys' over-alls you ever saw!
"Then there is my daily mommy routine: picking up the pots and pans, Tupper Wear, measuring cups, and whatever else my son has managed to grab out of the bottom cupboards and toss around on the kitchen floor for the twentieth time; making a healthy yummy nutritious snack that I hope my son will love, only to have him throw it on the rug, then picking up pieces of goodness-knows-what off the carpet; stacking an endless supply of sippy cups, suction bowls that don't stick, bottles, and tiny spoons into the dishwasher; climbing Mt. Laundry to get to the washer and dryer and take care of the dirty clothes; watching All My Children while my son attempts to take his nap; and it's not even 2 PM! Did I eat lunch yet?
"At 2 PM we either go to our playgroup, the park, take a walk, or go on a play date, and so my routine continues with packing a snack, checking the diaper bag, and remembering to bring water because we moms never drink enough water.
"Upon arriving at home, it’s time to feed my son a snack, check my e-mail, and straighten up the house--only to have it disheveled minutes later when my son is done eating and goes exploring! Soon my husband is home and the tossing of mail, car keys, shoes, socks, newspapers and magazines begins, first by my husband, who is oblivious to the disarray of toys, papers, and various items my son has clutched from table tops and book shelves--and then there is more tossing by my son!
"My husband and I exchange chit chat: How was your day? What should we have for dinner? Can you take the garbage out? At which point my husband scoops up our son and begins the father son rough-house ritual that gives me a ten minute break. But with only ten minutes to myself, I don’t know what to do or where to begin! So I usually just sit on the couch, watching the last of Oprah, laughing at my son grinning and giggling as my husband gallops around the living room with our little boy a top his shoulders.
"I am the cook in the household. I enjoy cooking. And since the birth of our son, it gives my yet another break from my mommy duties. However I can’t (or won’t) cook dinner until the pots from the night before are washed, usually by my husband, who always seems to need reminding! But first our son gets his dinner, so I prepare his last meal of the day, feed him while my husband washes some pans; and then my husband or I attempt to put him in his pajamas, read a bedtime story, and put him to bed.
"By 8:30 PM we are done with dinner, and thoughts of tomorrow begin creeping into my brain: Jason has a doctor appointment at a 10 AM. We need more cat litter. I have five people interested in our walker for sale on Craigslist. I need to work on my paper for my writers salon.
"As I sit on the couch working out all the details of tomorrow, I scan the living room and tell myself to just leave the mess, to ask my husband to tidy it up--which he always agrees to do, then forgets as he falls asleep on the couch watching his favorite sports team, so I get up and begin to put things back in order.
"By 9 PM my body is tired and done for the day. My mommy brain is short circuited, ready to shut down. I need my time, with no demands made on me, which usually means taking a shower, crawling into bed, and curling up with a good novel from my mommy book club.
"Speaking of going to bed... my husband never initiates sex. He says, if it were left up to him he'd ask for hanky panky all the time. Secondly, he does not like rejection. So to play it safe, I get to be the initiator--which was great when we were single, we did it several times a week. Then, when we got married, we had sex less often, but for a purpose: to make a baby. And after one year of trying, viola!
"Woops! I almost forgot! It's time for bed! But wait! There's one more thing I forgot to cross off my to-do list: put a light bulb in the socket and turn the switch on, or put it on my list for tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow. But, lately, tomorrow never comes--pun intended."
